The next hearing was over the phone. In Mid-April, I met my lawyer in her office.
On the phone was my Lawyer, Ellie's Lawyer, DP's Lawyer, the Judge and me. Correct, no DP. Apparently he had other things that took precedence. At this time, JR asked what the latest was. DP's side had nothing to give.
They pleaded with the Judge for more time.
"Afterall," said JPB (DP's lawyer), "he hasn't seen his daughter in nearly 2 years."
The defense didn't make sense to me. None of this made sense to me. We were nearly 2 years out from DP sexually abusing Ellie (which DP continued to deny), we were nearly 8 years out from the court case starting in the first place.
Ellie's therapist she had been seeing since the sexual abuse, was willing, able and ready to testify, but we had not been heard. There had never been actual testimony given.
The Judge granted him 6 more months to come up with the money.
Gut... dropped. Heart... broken.
At this point the Judge got off the phone while the lawyers stayed on. At that time Ellie's lawyer asked if DP was going to soon start paying child support. DP's lawyer had said that he was gainfully employed and that is how he would be able to come up with money to pay for the tests.
DP's lawyer actually laughed that question off. "She doesn't need child care," he said. "Come on, there are more important things."
How I wish I hadn't heard that.
It saddened me what this case had come down to...
***********
This time for Ellie was possibly one of the worst I can remember. She was having trouble at school because her teacher was very adamant about all of the children making something for Father's Day. It was a hard thing to get through. I talked to the teacher a couple times (she was a long-term sub) and Ellie FINALLY got to make something for someone else in her family. But, as the other children celebrated their father's Ellie wanted to hide.
She became horribly reclusive. We canceled many appointments and dates because she wanted to be at home. I was okay with it as I only wanted what was best and frankly, easiest for her. We had weathered the storm before and I knew it would not last.
In the summer Ellie was plain and simple ready to be done with the case. She woke nearly every morning asking if she could just talk to the Judge. I couldn't imagine how she felt. She just wanted to be heard. For HER voice to matter. After all, wasn't this about Ellie?
At least it should have been.
I called SH, her lawyer, and asked if it were possible. Judge's don't like little kids to testify. She would have had to do it in front of DP and people get a little worried about the long term affect on kids. Who knows what he would have said, how he would have responded, etc. It would have also been possible to have her back in chambers. Ellie, my lawyer, her lawyer, DP's lawyer and the Judge. But, in order to do this, DP would have had to agree to that. And, he didn't.
SH suggested writing a letter to CS. CS currently had the case and was the one instructing DP to save money to get tested (psycho-sexual testing and cognitive behavioral testing). She would make recommendations to the Judge as the Judge now felt like he couldn't (or didn't want to) rule on this case.
Ellie was ecstatic about the idea of the letter. She wanted to be heard, and if this was the way, then so be it.
She quickly sat and penned a letter. I told her how to spell Dr. Sabin's name and how to write the word "sincerely" and then I jumped in the shower. I wanted everything to come from her. None of my words, only Ellie's.
The product was gut-wrenching.
Ellie's heart and soul were on that page. She did not want to be associated with DP in the least. She explained what had happened. She asked for the fight to be over. She was direct and to the point, but made so many valid statements that I could not believe the power.
We had a meeting set up with SH and I took the letter. With Ellie's permission, we showed it to SH.
As she read, tears filled her eyes.
She explained that perhaps we could go to court with this. It was her idea. Why not try to get Ellie what Ellie wants. Had we been fighting incorrectly all along? Had the focus been on what was good for me or good for DP and not for Ellie?
Now my head was muddled and I thought perhaps we had gone about this all incorrectly. After all, this was about the sweet 8 year old whose life had been so poorly affected.
As I thought more though, I realized I was fighting for the same thing she was.
SH sent the letter to CS.
CS's reply was that Ellie needed to be heard. She said there was no way Ellie would be ready to see DP in the near future, if ever.
SH soon got back to me and after much thought we couldn't go to court. It was my motion to keep DP away from her. If SH took this to court, it would be Ellie fighting me. That would mean that I, personally, would have to take down my court case (the one that said her dad would have no further rights to her) and Ellie's case (that Ellie wished to no longer see him) would go forward.
In the end, we decided it was not best. IF the Judge did not rule in Ellie's favor, she would be unprotected as we would have taken down my court case. There was no way I was going to go for that. So, we settled on continuing forward and WAITING.
Ellie's spirit and mood soon got better. She was thriving in the summer. Happy and somewhat carefree.
************
October brought another day in court.
I had stopped myself from getting my hopes up ... there was not a ton of hope after battling this for so long.
This time, it was (again) suppose to be DP's last chance. He should have been coming to court with the money paid and the testing done.
I wish I could say it surprised me when he came to court and had not done anything.
I wish I could say it surprised me when the Judge said we would give him more time. 2 months, to be exact.
It didn't. At this point, it was par for the course.
It was more of the Judge and the legal system dragging this event out entirely too long. It was more expense when really all of that money should be going to Ellie. It was more heart-ache and uncertainty for a little girl who has already been through too much.
We laid the case out for the Judge and DP's lawyer piped in that he had saved some money. He claimed to have $2100 at this point, quite frankly, a number, I believe, he pulled out of his ass. The Judge immediately said he had 2 more months to get it together.
My lawyer and Ellie's lawyer both vehemently objected. The Judge said NEXT time would be the last time... Oh, how I wish I could cling to those words.
But then, something happened that was a first.
The Judge said to DP that he (DP) needed to do some serious thinking. He continued that this case was going to go one of two ways. Either DP would spend the money, do the tests and fail and not be able to see Ellie again because of that. OR, he would do the tests, pass and still be stuck because Ellie had no interest in seeing him. He said that at this point, maybe it was best that DP walk away. The Judge said (FINALLY) perhaps it was best for Ellie to be done with this. (so, let's be done!)
He continued to explain that the money could just be a HUGE waste- either way it wasn't looking good. And, if he did pass the tests, we had a case to go through, which would be further expense... (picture me dying inside).
He then paused and asked DP what he thought.
"That is tough," DP said, brightly (sorry!).
"It is just that ..." DP tried to continue.
"I am not interested in hearing testimony," the Judge cut him off.
Pause.
"I'll have to consult my lawyer." DP said.
"Fine. If you make a decision to walk, please let everyone know so we can cancel this next date and save everyone time." said the Judge.
And that was that. Case, for the moment, was closed again.
And so, we wait... as we have for well over 2 years since the sexual abuse happened. And for nearly 8 years since the case was opened. We wait to see what is next.
My lawyer feels very good about what she heard at the end. She feels that it was JR saying how he would rule if, in fact, this ever went to trial.
I refuse to have much hope. I have been down the road of hope before and it always ends with a punch in the gut.
That being said, Ellie and I are living our lives outside of the shadow of this horrible event. We are choosing to live rather than to fear. It is a good thing.
But having an end in December would be the best of all.
