If you were to look up big scary law firms in Portland,
Oregon, you would find my new one. One of
the partners is a lady is fairly well known in the community. She also had
some ties to Linfield (where my father taught) and so we called to get an
appointment, a very spendy appointment
with her.
I’ll be honest. The
woman terrified me. She was as honest
and upfront and in your face as a person could be. She interviewed me and every sentence
contained a 4-letter word. She was
crass. She was blunt. She was harsh. When I started to cry (most likely out of
fear at that point), she stopped and asked:
Why are you crying?
I was so taken aback by that question that I just cried
more. I was crying because I was
terrified.
She didn’t hand me Kleenex.
She didn’t comfort me. She sat in
a chair; forearms resting on her legs and staring at me. Dead straight in my teared up eyes.
I finally found some Kleenex in the room, got it and tried
to pull myself together. After I did, I
was ready to go at it again and felt a little tougher. I was crying because I knew something was
happening to Ellie. How did I know?
Mother’s intuition. Yes, I realized that
didn’t get me anywhere. Yes, she was
seeing a therapist. No, she had not said
exactly what was happening yet. But, I
felt they were getting closer.
This won't work, she said.
"D____" she yelled out someone's name.
At this point, she called in another lawyer named DR. She was instructed to take notes and
listen. I wasn’t sure, but she even
looked a little fearful. At this point,
it became a list of things I was supposed to do. I needed
to get an appointment with a different therapist. She gave me a name. I needed to get my files from my previous
lawyer to them. I needed to have my dad
schedule weekly visits with Ellie. There
needed to be a stable man in her life and it was going to be Papa. I was going to daily affirm that Ellie was
strong, she was an Emery and Emery woman are strong. I felt like I was already doing this, but she
thought my tears were a give away to me doing it with tears.
I am fully aware of wearing my emotions on my sleeve. But, believe I had done a pretty good job of
keeping things inside when Ellie was in sight.
Even through doing this, Ellie could read me like a book. I had to get tougher, or better yet, seek
help myself.
Isn’t it funny that there was “never time for that.” Always
an appointment to go to or something to do.
And, yet, that really is the most important thing.
The BIG WIG explained that her fee was high and I
agreed. It was more than double what I had
been paying so far. However, DR, who had
stepped in to take notes was competent and up for the job and fees were not AS
high. She would be taking on my
case.
I left feeling good, I think. I was truly drained, to be honest. The meeting was set for an hour and went two
(I was hoping not to be charged for both)… and it was as intense as meeting I
had been in ever. When you talk about a
no bullshit meeting, that was this. She
was one of the most interesting people I have ever met. And probably THE MOST intense person I have
ever met. And, maybe that is what makes
her so good. I frankly think people see
her in the court room and want to run. I
don’t think even Judges like having her in their court room. She is intimidating; both in style and in presence. I figured
if DR had learned from her, I was going to be okay.
Christmases were missed, Thanksgivings were missed. Great for me, a little hard for Ellie to
understand. Sure she was happy to not
have to go, but to try to understand what was more important was a tough pill
to swallow. I tried to explain the best
I could, but there was little I could say.
One Saturday morning when DP showed up, Ellie flat out
refused to go. DP came over the to bench
and Ellie said, “I’m not going with you, I hate you.”
Silence.
I was not expecting this and it caught me quite off guard.
I felt her little hand grabbing on the my pants under my arm
so that he couldn’t see it. I glanced at
her face and she was staying remarkably strong.
“Go” she yelled. “I
am not going with you.”
“Are you happy?” DP asked, looking at me.
“I had nothing to do with this.” I simply said.
“I hate you and I am never going again with you.” She yelled
again.
This was at a time when DP was wearing sunglasses
routinely. As a reminder, we were
inside. The glasses? I got nothing. No idea.
Speculations, sure. But mostly,
they just drove me crazy.
Again, at this point, he didn’t come closer, get down to her
level ask what was wrong, suggest things they could do that day, he didn’t try
to make her comfortable… he only got angry.
And, angry at me, at that. Because,
of course, it was my fault.
“You have really messed things up, Amy.” He said.
And he walked out the door.
Ellie took the biggest breath in and looked at me and said, “I
did it.” And I said, “you sure did! Where did that come from?”
And she explained that she didn’t want to go anymore.
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