We were set. As a team, we knew what was going to be asked and what everyone was going to say. I was certain all would be taken care of today. With the addition of SH, Ellie's lawyer, we were now meeting before the court time. I was thrilled. I enjoyed the pre-court talks. SH, JR (Ellie's therapist) and I met at 9 at Starbucks. DH, my lawyer met us at 9:30 just as we were getting ready to enter the courtroom. The talks were basically a reality check. I was told time and again that it really didn't matter what we were going to say, odds are that the Judge already has made his decision. How horrifying.
So, all the work didn't matter.
Forget about the work... let's talk about the reality not mattering.
I felt like I was on an uphill climb with this Judge. If he already has his mind made up, where would we get?
The day was expensive as well. I was paying for 2 lawyers - mine and Ellie's, as well as her therapist to be there. By this time, I could have bought a small island. Each time we went to court with both lawyers the bills were outrageous.
If it worked and all came out best for Ellie, the money didn't matter, but the more we were spinning our wheels, the more frustrating it became.
********
Dressed in my "lawyer" suit, I walked in with my super-team. We had met the Detective and the DHS worker at the courtroom. We were immediately asked to leave. The Judge wanted to see my lawyer, DR, Ellie's lawyer, SH, and DP's lawyer, JPB, in chambers. So, there I sat, DP and his gang, his ex-girlfriend, her husband, her mom and sister, in the corner of my eye. I sat with Ellie's therapist and she tried to get my mind off of what was happening. I didn't feel good about it. Why did he want to see everyone in chambers?
Several minutes passed and I saw DR and SH approach me. DR explained that the Judge did not want to hear anything today.
I stopped listening and tears filled my eyes. This circus was never going to end. It had now been going on nearly a year (and that is just from the sexual abuse... in reality we had been in and out of court for 7 years!).
DR explained that the Judge was did not want to make any decisions in this case anymore. He felt as if he had messed up already and was going to pass it on to someone else. Her name was CS. She is a behavioral psychologist and would take the case from her. I had heard about her when things started getting bad with Ellie. We almost went and saw her, but opted for Ellie's current therapist instead because of cost and wait. The plan was the she would interview me, DP and Ellie (each separately) and from that either suggest/require additional therapy or make a decision. We would go back in November and tell the Judge what we had found.
The cost of her services would be split. And she wouldn't start until she had $500 from each of us. That got us about 3 hours. One for DP, one for Ellie and one for me.
*******
Up til this point I had received only $80 for Child Support. That was all. All of these years. He had worked under the table at several places and told his lawyer that he was working, but no money ever came to me. He was (is) also responsible for 1/2 of Ellie's medical bills, which, by this time had really added up. I didn't necessarily want his money, but it is just another example of how messed up our system is. How could he afford an attorney and yet not pay child support to his daughter? Not help pay medical bills for her? All of it was nearly too much to take.
*******
The court document didn't get signed by JR until mid-July and then JPB didn't actually turn the paper over to CS until mid-August. So, we got a couple of months of doing nothing, which we both appreciated. When I heard that CS had the document, I paid my $500 and waited.
*******
Ellie was settling into 2nd grade fairly well. But, the school year was not without incident. On the first day of school, the counselor asked if I had updated paperwork. I needed to provide the correct documents that kept Ellie safe at school should DP try to skirt the system and see her there. The documents said he wasn't allowed on school grounds or to see/take Ellie. I was thankful they were in place.
Of course the need for up-to-date paperwork freaked me out. The reality was that the paperwork they had said he was not allowed "until further notice." Their feelings were that that was vague and they needed more. I didn't have more. Nor did the court provide more. That was what stood. Of course I had to get SH, Ellie's attorney involved. But, once they spoke, things were fine.
Otherwise, Ellie continued to thrive in school. She was great at home too. Though she had her ups and downs. Mostly she just wanted things to have an ending. Though we weren't doing much with the law, the thought of all going on with DP was never far from either of our minds.
Ellie had problems going down certain streets because they
reminded her of DP. She would be in the
back shielding her face from everything and I would remember that I had crossed
a line. It was sad.
She was invited to a friend’s birthday party and it happened to be
at a bowling alley that she and DP had been to before, we must have sat in the
car for 40 minutes before she got brave enough to go inside. She just couldn’t beat those demons. How could I ever blame her?
To see that pain, that deep seeded pain, was tragic. It ripped my heart out every single
time. She was so stoic. So much bravery in that tiny body. I was beyond impressed with her every day.
**********
November 16th: Court date.
I put on my “lawyer suit.”
Ellie’s therapist, her lawyer and my lawyer were on my team. We, again, were ready.
I had paid my half or the money.
DP had not. I was certain this
would be it. I was certain he would be
in contempt of court. Perry Mason, one
hour, in and out and done.
Again, the system floored me.
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