Why Did I Pick Forrest Gump?

My guess is that those who know me would describe me as fairly intelligent.  Perhaps even a little above average.  I have a good job with the same company for the last 14 plus years, I can maintain well (I mean good … gotcha) conversations with people and sound like, may even know what I am talking about.  I read and can honestly say I am not stupid.  Which bodes the question.

How did I end up with this guy?

This man who, among other things has been called Forest Gump-like (that one has to be my favorite).

It’s a great question and one I have been asked more than a dozen times.

I’d like to set the record straight.  DP wasn’t always like this.  Now, I will say this – I don’t think we were meant for each other.  I really don’t.  We had a great time together.  He was fun to be around and in the time that we spent together we were great friends and laughed hard.   It was nice to have someone around and he was that person.  He was fun and spontaneous and I guess that is what I wanted at that point in my life.   

Hands down, he was one of the best chefs in Portland. Throw in charisma and I would say that he would make the top 3 in Portland.  He was always asked to be on the stage at The Bite in Portland or at Bones and Brew.  He was well known in the circle of chefs and did his job well. 

We dated for 4 years.  So, I knew him well (or so I was led to believe) and he wasn’t the man I know today.  Far from it.  You could pretty much set your clock by my period, so, when it didn’t come, I knew something was off.  Pregnant.   I remember the night that I told him.  We were watching TV later in the evening and one of his friends, a cop who often visited his restaurant had committed suicide.  DP was beside himself.  He left 

my side and went out drinking.  This would soon become the norm. 

My pregnancy was not an easy one.  I was sick every day and not just in the mornings.  Day, night, mid-night, mid-mornings, noon… If there was a time, I was nauseous.  I found foods that tasted just as good going down as they did coming back up (oh, there is a science involved!).  I worked downtown at the time and often took conference calls on the floor of my office, waste bucket next to me.  My colleagues were thrilled with the joy of my pregnancy.  I remained sick right through my 2^nd   trimester.

Most days DP was nowhere to be found.  He still had an apartment and I was plugging away on my own at my house.   We’d talk occasionally.  He was disconnected from the baby and me.  I was sad, embarrassed, worried.  Growing up in a home where my parents are still together, I had never thought of being a single mom, and I wanted this to magically work somehow.  In my mind, at the time, there was no other way.  We would find a way to get along and would be a family.  When I think about this, I can’t believe how strongly I believed this.  What’s odd is that I was/am a strong woman.  I know I can get through things.  I don’t know if my desire to make things work came from the hormones that were flowing through my body, the small, picturesque town I grew up in, or my childhood dreams being smashed into pieces, but I really thought it would all come together just fine. 

Not that I didn’t have a great support system, but this was pre-facebook, a time when the people you talk to are harder to reach out to than turning on a computer.  My friends were all happily married, most with kids.  Of course that is how it would turn out.  Me, DP and the baby that was growing inside me. 

The day before my birthday, I was 16 weeks. I had to fly to Chicago for a meeting.  I was surprised that on my actual birthday I didn’t hear from DP at all.  Late night Chicago time, finally a call came in from the number at his restaurant.  It was his best friend.  He asked if I had heard from DP. 

“No,” I answered, and knew quickly that something wasn’t right.

“He was let go this morning,” his friend said, “and he left in a very bad way.” 

I realize that losing a job is traumatic.  I can’t imagine it. I have been blessed to make it through many cutbacks at work.  I count my lucky stars each time I make it.  I think that to women and men the aftermath of losing a job might be different even (I’m guessing here).  I suspect men , as a whole, might take it a little harder.  And then to Chefs, they take it even harder.  Chefs don’t cook; they ARE chefs.  DP was his job.  My gut ached when I heard he lost his job.  I asked why. 

“Sexual Harassment” said the voice on the phone.

We talked a bit longer and I asked him to check DP’s apartment again and then to check my house.  The conference was set for 2 more days in Chicago, but I knew I had to go home.  I knew something wasn’t right and my boss agreed.  He got me on the red-eye home and away I flew. 

When I landed, I drove by his apartment, no car.  I drove home and his car was in my garage.  It was the middle of the night and I walked in.  The smell of alcohol engulfed me.   Upstairs every bit of counter space was filled by an empty bottle of some kind.  I didn’t know how one person, especially his size could have consumed all of that and still be alive.  I walked into the bedroom and there he was sprawled out and still breathing. 

I figured I’d let him sleep it off and we would talk in the morning. 

I was exhausted.  I walked way upstairs and knew there was a couch calling my name.  I’d sleep the night away there.  Without turning the light on I walked in the room.  Something was on the ground and felt funny under my feet.  It wasn’t soft or giving like carpet usually is.  I turned on the light to find my bonus room’s floor covered with bullets.  No spaces.  Covered.  I could see no gun, but honestly, didn’t search.  I was too taken aback by what I saw.  I had to sit down.  There I was, 4 months pregnant, bullets surrounding me and a drunken man below me who was just let go for sexual harassment. 

I had no idea what the next day would bring, I only knew it would be long and scary.  It was too much for me; too much for one person to handle.  I had to get back up as soon as it was a reasonable hour.  And that would be soon.  For now, I needed to shut my eyes, my body was tired, I needed rest.