Court: Twice in One Week

Visits with Ellie went well on Sunday.  She, again, was okay.  She had figured out which of the boys “played nicely” and which didn’t.  She was now allowed to shut her room door, which occurred after being there a couple days.  We had only planned on her staying a couple nights, so I had to bring extra clothes with me.  No one was talking about her getting out just yet.

I knew as soon as Monday hit I would be knee deep in legal bullshit.  I was not looking forward to it. 

After nearly 7 years in the game, I was right. 

The day started with my lawyer calling to check in on Ellie.  Further she had sent an email that was intended to “patch things up” after my explosion with DP and L on Sunday and that was fine with me.  Third, she told me that DP was putting up a fight about Ellie getting her own lawyer.  And we had to be in court Tuesday. 

Tell me which show this happens on.  Is this the longer version of Law and Order that I never did see? Was there a Perry Mason summer that I missed because I remember watching every episode in the summers with my dad.  You are going to deny your daughter a lawyer?  My lawyer had never heard of anyone have to appear in court for this.  But, well, welcome to my court case.

From what I understand of the law in Oregon, and perhaps it is so elsewhere as well, if a child requests a lawyer, they get one.  Period.  End of story. 

So why would we be appearing? And why now?

Alas…

I tried to function best I could, working in the hours I wasn’t with her and visiting when I was allowed.  She missed Bell, missed me, but never once asked about coming home.  It broke my heart.  But, now, I know she was where she needed to be. 

The nurses and doctors there were so fantastic.  I adored each and every one of them and they adored my daughter.  I got compliments on her behavior each time I went.   I also got so much insight into what was going on in her head.  The days there were so good for her.

It was one of the hardest, if not the hardest times in my life. 

I remember feeling so lost.  So heavy.  So sad. 

It was hard because the question was constantly asked, “why” did the judge make these ridiculous decisions leading up to Ellie being where she was.  I, of course, had asked those same questions time and again.  But things shifted in my mind.  It no longer became about asking why.   The reality was we were here.  And we would never know why.  We needed to face the reality and try to move on.  It was a huge mental shift for me. 

It also became a reason I couldn’t talk to really anyone.  I didn’t want to hear the question of “why.” I had no answer.  I just knew Ellie was in a very bad place emotionally.  One that I never saw for my daughter.  And, now was the time to figure out what the next step was.

I had to contact the school and let them know Ellie would be out for a bit.  It was the little things that proved the hardest this week. 

Tuesday morning was time for a court appearance, while my daughter was still in the hospital, and a time to go face to face with the two men, I believe put her there.  DP and the judge.  The question before us was did Ellie deserve to have her own lawyer.  By all accounts there was nothing saying she shouldn’t.  It should be a pretty straight forward court visit.  Just, as the others, costly.

My stomach turned as I was back in the place I hated so much.  I saw DP and his posse – L, JH, her husband SH and now JH’s sister, KH. 

The “honorable Judge R” came out and we were seated.  He quickly started things by saying he had heard about the current state of things and he was sorry to hear about how things were.  He did not make eye-contact.  But, he did apologize.  DP joined in when there was a voice of “thank you, your honor.” From my lawyer and I.  Ever confusing.

Judge R said that the question at hand was whether Ellie could have her own lawyer or not and that in the state of Oregon it was the law that Children simply needed to state their desires to have one.  He then held up Ellie’s written document asking for one. 

He asked if DP had any questions.  He didn’t.  And that was all. 

Really?

We needed to appear in court for that? Does anyone have any sense of how much this is costing me?

On with the day, I went to see Ellie and told her the good news. 

The calls I had missed while in court, included a couple from Ellie's school telling me that she had not shown up for school and asking did I know she was absent.  Was I really going to have to call every morning and tell them that she still was in the hospital? 

I heard from my lawyer later in the day.  We would be going back to court Thursday to get an immediate danger filed to stop visitation that was previously ordered because of Ellie’s delicate health.  This week could prove to be very long.  We would have her doctor there ready to testify.  I would testify and we would hope that the Judge would grant it.

I was certain that by then Ellie would be home.

How wrong I was.